Lose Yourself…
by missemmatorchwood
Summary: Sometimes, the best place to be is right where you already are.


**Lose Yourself… **

'Lose yourself not in a far-off time, seize the moment that is thine.'

Johann Friedrich von Schiller

Rolling over, Ianto threw his arm over Jack's chest, snuggling… snug… his arm encountered nothing but air and he opened his eyes to discover that he was alone in bed. The cold cotton sham on Jack's pillow revealed the man had been gone for quite some time.

Closing his eyes, Ianto listened, trying to hear if Jack might be in the lounge or kitchen but the flat was a silent as the pillow was cold. He wondered if there'd been a Rift alert and Jack had gone out on his own, so he rolled in the other direction and snagged his mobile from the night table. A push of the button showed nothing more than the time: 2.37 and since alerts went to both Jack's wrist strap and Ianto's mobile, he knew that an errant Weevil or lost spaceship weren't the reason for the man's absence.

Lying back for a moment, Ianto considered the possibilities and then rolled his eyes. With a groan, he threw back the duvet and climbed out of his lovely warm cocoon; the cool air caused his naked body to immediately become nothing but goose flesh and he hurried over to the wardrobe, pulling out jeans and trainers and tossing them on to the bed, followed by socks, pants and a T-shirt from the dresser. He was fully dressed within moments, then he went to the ensuite to pee, wash his hands and face and run a hand through sleep-ruffled hair before heading out to the front of their flat where he grabbed a jacket and his keys.

Less than fifteen minutes after finding an empty half of the bed beside him, Ianto Jones pulled into the parking spot right next to the SUV. A soft beep of the remote locked his Audi and a quick peek into the SUV showed it to be empty, as expected. A quick tap on the keypad at the door and a soft snick let him know the front door to the building was now unlocked and he hurried inside.

"Mornin', Geraint," he greeted the elderly man behind the check-in desk. "How's the family?"

"Can't complain, Ianto, thanks for askin'," the white-haired man smiled warmly at Ianto.

Geraint Evans had known Ianto since he was a new-born babe, he and his wife Wynny having been best friends with Ianto's grandparents since they were all four in primary school together. After Wynny passed away a few years back, Geraint had been completely lost, no purpose left in his life until Ianto had called in a favour and gotten him the job as night watchman for the Porter Building. It wasn't as though anything really needed watching, the entire building being secured through thousands of sensors that fed updates into the computer server every two seconds, but after Torchwood had saved their entire computer network from a voracious worm – the kind that ate anything that looked worm-like… wiring, fibre-optic cable, etc. – they were more than happy to give a retired Heddlu Deputy Chief Constable with a long and distinguished career a place to feel needed again.

"Upstairs, I presume?"

"Been here near two hours now." Geraint nodded. "Looked like he had something to think about." He knew all about Torchwood, always had, one of the few on the department to ask for their help whenever needed and who always deeply appreciated the Team's efforts. "Everything all right out there?"

"Quiet as a church pew," Ianto smiled. "Sometimes he just likes to brood."

"Had a sergeant like that in the Army once, funny fella, liked to wear ladies' silk drawers under his uniform. Last I heard he was dressing up proper like and calling himself Daisy Bouquet up in London." Geraint's eyes were merry. "Sure hope he shaves his chest, he was hairy as a beast!"

Ianto laughed with the older man and then tapped a finger aside his nose. "Don't knock the silk til you've tried it, you might be surprised!" and before Geraint could reply, Ianto was off to the bank of lifts, leaving the man roaring with laughter.

The ride to the top floor was surprisingly swift and Ianto stepped out into a wood-panelled hall, turning right to find the door to the stairs, his footsteps hushed by the plush carpet beneath his feet.

Climbing the stairs, Ianto was grateful for all the running involved in working for Torchwood Cardiff. Back in London he'd taken the lift everywhere in the Torchwood Tower, and rarely walked more than a block or so to go to lunch or catch the bus at the end of the day. He had to admit he was ten times fitter now that he was pushing thirty than he ever was at twenty.

Pushing open the door, Ianto stepped out on the roof and paused for a moment to catch his bearings. As he looked around he could see the blinking lights of Cardiff Airport, the lined streets of the sleeping suburbs, a few lights burning in dorm rooms of Cardiff University, the dark Millennium Stadium waiting for the day's match to begin, and as he rounded the huge air conditioning unit used just for cooling the computer room, he could see the vast inky darkness of Cardiff Bay. It was in this direction that he headed, seeing his prey silhouetted against the starry sky.

Putting his arms around Jack from behind, Ianto pressed himself against the man's back, feeling the rough but familiar scratch of wool from Jack's great coat. He stayed there until Jack reached back and tugged him around, pulling him in close to him, back to chest, and wrapping his coat around them both. Ianto relaxed into the warmth, sighing with contentment.

"Penny for them?" he asked quietly. He could feel Jack shrug and then the breath from a deep sigh ruffled the hair at the back of his head.

It took Jack a few minutes to collect his thoughts, to pull them back from galaxies far and away, from the sights he'd seen, back from adventures he'd had and the companions – human and alien – he'd shared them with.

Ianto knew what the silence meant; every now and again, especially after an encounter with a new alien species, Jack would brood on what he'd given up to stay on Earth with Ianto, with Torchwood, with humanity so young they didn't even believe alien life existed. A lost spaceship landing on the Barrage at twilight that day had been explained away as a publicity stunt for a new Spielberg film soon to begin shooting in Wales. The occupants of the ship, a nice couple from Cestus Nine on a second honeymoon had gotten lost because, as the wife explained, "my husband is a git sometimes and refuses to ask the computer for directions" or so Toshiko's translator program had said.

"I know you miss the stars, Cariad, being out there amongst them, seeing something new and exciting every time you turn around." Ianto turned in Jack's arms and put both hands on his face, waiting until he could look into the man's eyes. "You know the Doctor is only a quick phone call away; he said he'd take you on a quick trip anywhere or anywhen you want to go."

Jack kissed Ianto's forehead and laid his head against his chest; his heartbeat was loud in Ianto's ear. "I know, Yan, and sometimes I do want to call. The things I could show you out there, the true wonders of the Universe, but…"

"But then you'd have to come back here, to now and then you'd feel small and alone again," Ianto finished for him, no rancour in his voice. He was well aware of what Jack sacrificed to stay Earthbound.

"Something like that," Jack chuckled. "I know the offer stands for him to take us out there and sometimes I really am so tempted to call."

Ianto considered Jack's words, remembering the Doctor telling them that he and his TARDIS would love to have them visit for a while, reminding Ianto that as a time-travelling ship "…we would be back in the Hub before the teapot cooled…"

"You know," Ianto pulled back enough to see Jack's face, "this fall is our fifth anniversary. How about we start planning now, give the Doctor plenty of notice, and we sneak off for a dirty weekend someplace shall we say… interesting?" He'd been intrigued by John Hart's description of the Vegas Galaxies – back when Hart had been searching for radiation cluster bombs, before he'd assaulted the team and killed Jack – and apparently if there were ever a spot in the Universe to indulge one's fantasies, that was it.

Jack peered at Ianto through narrowed eyes. "Just what are you planning, Mr Jones?"

"You and me, some lovely silk underthings and whatnot, in a room, for as long as it takes."

"Mr Jones!" Jack gasped theatrically. "I'll have you know I am not that kind of girl!"

"Maybe you're not, but who says I'm talking about just you?" Ianto smirked. "I've been saving a surprise for just the right time and I think that would be perfect."

"Oh really?" Jack took on a calculating look as he thought about where Ianto could have hidden such a naughty treat.

"Give it up, Cariad," Ianto poked him in the ribs, "you'll never find it in a million years!"

"Doesn't mean I won't be looking!" Jack pulling Ianto in for a searing kiss, separating them only when oxygen became an issue. "Let's go home, you sexy Welshman you."

"Good idea," Ianto agreed. "We can still get a few more hours of sleep before we head in to the Hub."

Jack linked his arm with Ianto's as they headed for the door. "Who said anything about sleep?"

End


End file.
